To the Beach!!

It’s 7am and I’m writing this from Montezuma, Costa Rica, as Jess sleeps. We’re staying in a hotel called El Sano Banano (The Healthy(to me it sounds like it should be ‘Sane’) Banana) on the strip we drove into last night at the darkest 6pm I’ve ever seen, after driving to the sea, taking a ferry over with our car in the hold, and driving through unlit mountain roads for about an hour. The entire time, during the second driving leg, Jess asked me to help navigate and I suspect keep her mildly amused and sane by calling out if I see something anywhere on the road. “Dog” “Branch” “Human” “Car”…I felt like a very verbose dog. “Squirel”. I decided to take it a step further for amusement purposes. Let me explain. There are two signs here in Costa Rica that have us endlessly amused. “Parada de Autobuses” and “Puente Angosto”. The former because, obviously, it sounds like its announcing a bus parade. Jess confessed this to me as we were driving into Puntarenas, and every time thereafter we’ve seen the sign we call out “bus parade!” and start quietly immitating one to the best of our ability. I can do a mean fake kazoo. The latter sign, “Puente Angosto” might take a little explaining. It’s pretty hardcore Johnny thinking, I’m afraid. See, to me, it sounds a lot like the word for ‘anguished’ in spanish. Therefor, obviously, this sign is announcing a very very sad bridge. In fact an anguished bridge. So. After that, every time we see that sign, I call out “sad bridge”, Jess, when necessary, refers to the bridge as the sad bridge, and whenever we go over said bridge I say “don’t be sad, bridge.” You have to keep yourself amused somehow when you’re driving an hour along endless curves that break down on the side to a cliff and the see and there are no, repeat, No lights except for the headlights of oncoming traffic to blind you.
We finally made it in, tho, just in time to sit down to dinner at this hotel and see the dinner movie, a Norwegian horror flick similar to Kill Bill. You know the type, lots of face shots of people with their faces somehow removed, etc. We’re not entirely sure who thought this would be a good movie to watch over Penne al Pesto with a nice cup of red wine, but we’re pretty sure that the screenwriters were a bunch of pimple faced teenage geeks eating way too much Pez and drinking entirely too much Mountain Dew while writing it. “And THEN, he’ll jump in the outhouse toilet to hide! And after THAT he’s escape on a TRACTOR!” Yeah, I’m serious.
BUT…we’re at the beach. It’s looking to be a beautiful day, if likely rainy later (you start to be able to predict these things…). Our plan is to hit Montezuma today, drive over and stay in Santa Teresa tonight and check that out tomorrow and then end out the week in Mal Pais. Beach Daze!
For now, it’s time to wake the lady up and go work on my tan. Happy Hump Day!

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